This is a blog written only a few days ago, I did not share here simply because I am not too active but I believe to remove the stigma of mental illness I need to open on as many forums as I can
"Here I go again.
It seems I was sat on top of a bridge drinking a full bottle of whiskey with a whole load of police taking a lot of notice.
I remember not so long ago a man managed to get onto the upper arch of The Silver Jubilee bridge over the river Mersey and it took 18 hours to talk him down, from what I can gather he had just lost his son. The reaction was how much if an inconvenience it was to have a major roadway shut for so long. Not "I hope he is all right" no, we are more concerned about our own lives rather than think about those coming close to ending theirs and what pushes them to get to that position.
Well if you found that you could not get down an expressway the other night because the police had shut the road, that was down to me. Why? I don't need to explain, it was enough that at that moment I had decided I wanted to die and this seemed like a good a way as any.
Do I feel sorry for all the people I put out while sat on the bridge drinking enough to numb the pain? Probably about as sorry as they were for the person who made them take a detour.
So here I am sat in a mental ward again for the third time in three years. So why didn't I jump? Apparently I passed out and fell on top of the bridge, I woke sometime later in a hospital again.
So why go onto a public forum and talk openly about this? Because this shit is reality, it happens near everyday, some people you may know about, some might even be close to you, some will manage to do it, some like me will fail and go on to live another day.
Mental illness is not something to be scared about, to be hidden away behind the locked doors of where I am now, it's more commonplace than you realise. Being bipolar has given me a lot, it's what drives my creativity but it comes with a heavy price, it comes with the thought of suicide. I'm not proud of that but I'm not going to sit in a corner rocking myself.
Welcome to my world, at times it is wonderful, others times you find yourself looking down on a whole lot of policemen trying to convince you jumping is not a good idea. The next time you have to spend a little more of your day waiting because of a suicide, have a thought for the person that has been driven to that point. One day it might well be you."